Another Toy Story!

When I Created Him I Never Thought That One Day I Have To Write A Story Upon Him. 

Long Back, Once When I Went to Deep Jungle, I Find a Piece of Wooden Block, Some How I Thought To Take That Wooden Piece To Home.

Later The Combination of My Craft Skills And Imagination Helped Me to Convert That Wooden Piece Into A Beautiful Male Figure. A Wooden Doll Filled With Life.

I Loved It, He Is Handsome And Cute.

I Named Him Joe,


Actually, This Is The Story of Joe; 

One Day When I Was Searching Joe, I Saw He Is Sitting On the River Bank Near Our Home; Looking Across The River.

I Went Near Him And Sat With Him and Asked “Joe, What Happen, What You Are Looking At?”

He Turned His Head Towards Me and Said, Master I Want A Cute Doll Like Her And He Pointed His Finger Across The River.

There I Saw a Young Man is Carrying His Infant Daughter Upon A Bicycle and Walking Pushing The Bicycle. The Young Man Is Talking and The Little Girl Is Laughing For His Every Single Word. I Can Able To See That From This Far.

I Looked At Joe And Pattered At His Head And Said, Okay, When Time Come I Get You One.

He Shook His Head Accepting My Answer and Then He Hold My Hands and Stood Up, Then Walked With Me To Home.


Years Left, Joe Also Became a Young Boy, He Lived Among Other Guys, As Normal, No One Know That He Is Wooden, But All Know That He is Little Bit Special or Abnormal. But As He Doesn’t Create Any Issues, No One Bothered Much About Him.

As He Grows, His Dream Also Started to Grow, I Always See The Picture of The Little Girl He Saw On That Day - On His Table. As He Grow, The Girl Also Started to Grow In The Picture He Draw.

I Know He Place the Picture On That Table For Me To See And Remember My Promise, But He Never Asked Me, Perhaps He Knows That I Know What Is Good For Him And At What Time. Poor Fellow!


One Day When I Walk With Joe To The Market Place I Asked Him “Why Your Girl In That Picture Got A Vague Face, Why Always Her Face Is Not Clear, Why Don’t You Draw A Clear Face To Her Instead Of Drawing a Blur, Faded Face?”

He Laughed At Me And Said, How I Know Master What Is Her Face, It Is You Decides How She Should Look Like, Body I Know Is Like Me; Wooden.

But Face I Don’t Know, But I Know You Give Her Best Face, Apt For Me. That Is Why I Don’t Draw A Clear Face For Her, Because I Don’t Know.

I Stunned For A Second And Thought, This Idiot Still Believes That I Will Keep My Promise And Give Him The Doll Once He Wished For.

I Changed The Topic And Started to Talk Some Other Things, But Night I Thought About His Idiotic Dream; I Was Confused, What To Do.

One Day Joe Came Towards Me Running And Frighten, He Said In A Crying Voice “Master Some Insects Are Coming Out From My Body, Am I Going To Die”

I Really Got Afraid, I Took Him To My Chamber And Checked His Wooden Body, I Saw Some Insects Carved His Wooden Body and Made A Hole Inside His Body At His Heart And It Is Destroying His Wooden Structure.

I Took Some Pesticides And Some Wooden Varnish To Fix It; Any How I Managed To Dis Infect His Body From Insects But The Hole Remained There.

I Said To Joe, Not To Worry, Everything Is Fixed And Also Gave Him An Additional Facility As A Hole In His Beautiful Loving Heart So That His Heart Can Able To See Others As He See With His Eyes.

He Looked Into His Body, Yes There Is a Small Hole Appeared In His Left Side. He Felt, Light And Air Passing Through That Hole. He Looked At Me And Laughed Then Said. Master This Is Beautiful, Thank Fully They Didn’t Succeeded In Building A Big Passage And He Hugged Me.


Years Passed, Now He Started To Annoying Me By Taking My Attention On The Pictures He Draw. He Also Shared The Promise I Gave To Him To My Friends Too. 

People Also Started To Ask Me Why You Are Not Giving Him His Need. He Is Grownup Now He Too Need A Family.

Now I Become An Unworthy Father Before World. 

When I Look At Him In Angry, He Smile At Me And Said, Master I Waited This Long, But You Don’t Care; Then What I Do? You Promised Me, Then You Have To Give Me My Doll.

In Angry I Said “I Made Your Doll And Let Her Live Like You In This People, Go And Find Her, You Will Get Her”

He Looked At Me And Asked, Why You Didn’t Tell Me About It, Else I Would Have Been Find And Bring Her Before You Earlier.


Then Thinking For A While, He Said, Oh You Want to Give Me A Surprise, Okay, I Definitely Find Her And Happily He Went to People, To Find Her.

I Felt So Angry And Decided That Let Him Wander To Find Her, Idiot; At Least That Much Time I Can Breath Peacefully.

At Night He Came Exhausted, But I Saw A Satisfaction On His Face, He Said, Tomorrow I Will Find The Doll You Hide Among People.

I Said, Okay, Go And Sleep And I Walked To My Room.

I Felt Sad For Cheating Him, Still I Thought, It is Okay, He Is Just a Wood. No Need To Worry Much About Him.

After Some Months, One Day Joe Came To Me And Forced Me To Come With Him To Market Place, He Pointed His Finger Towards A Girl And Asked Me, Is It She You Created?

I Smiled At Him and Said Nothing, Instead Walked Back to Home In Silence.

He Tried to Get A Confirmation or Answer From Me In Those Days, He Send Many Of My Friends To Get An Answer From Me. But I Kept Myself Silent.


One Day, Joe Went To Meet That Girl And Told Her That “Hi, I Am Looking For A Girl My Master Created For Me, She Is Special Like Me”. She Looked At Him and Said “I Am Special And Me Too Looking For A Special Doll For Me. But I Don’t Think It Is You.”

He Felt Sad, But Said Nothing And Turned Back And Said Silently At Heart, That Perhaps That Is Why Master Didn’t Tell Any, Because I Was Wrong, In Hurry I Find A Wrong Person.

Suddenly Joe Heard She Calling Him From Back.

He Turned, She Said, Let Me Think, Perhaps You May Be That Right Person, Don’t Know, I Get You Answer Later.

Joe Was Not Happy, Still Said Okay.


At Night, When I Reached Home, I Saw Joe Is Sitting Near The Front Door Waiting For Me.

I Smiled At Him. But He Didn’t Smile Back, Instead Asked Many Questions.

I Said, Wait, Let Me Enter Into House And Let Me Have A Shower And Then We Talk.

After Shower I Came Near Him And Asked What Happen?

He Told The Whole Story And Then Asked Me “Is She Build By You?”

I Asked Him, Do You Think So?

He Said “In Many Of Her Characters She Look Like Me, Your Pattern of Work Is There In Her, But Still I Am Not Convinced Fully, That Is Why I Ask You, I Should Not Make Mistake”

I Laughed And Said, I Am Going To Keep Silent, Let Me See How Destiny Decides In Your Case.

He Seemed Sad, But Didn’t Tell Anything, Instead Told Me That “I Trust You Fully And Blindly”.
Really It Made Me Little Bit Pain, Because I Know That I Am Making Him A Fool.


Next Day I Saw Him In Happy And Going To Market Place Early Morning Itself And Return Back Home Late, But I Saw a Happiness In His Face, He Smiled And Said Goodnight Master.

I Thought Perhaps It Is Destiny Decide For Him.

Days Passed, In Between Many Time He Come To Me And Shared His Experience With The Doll He Think Is Given By Me.


I Saw He Is Not Fully Happy With His New Doll, Once I Asked What Happen, Don’t Seems You Are Happy?

He Said, You Didn’t Confirm And Me Too Feels It Is Not The Doll I Am Looking For, But As I Didn’t Have Any Choice I Am Trying To Love That Doll And Trying To Be Satisfied With That Doll.

But In These Days, Many Times I Wakes Up Dreaming That The Doll Really You Created Comes To Me And Asking What She Do As I Own A Wrong Doll.

Joe, Looked At Me And Asked, Could You Please Confirm Master?


I Smiled At Him, Because I Don’t Know What Is The Reality.

I Said To Him, Everything Will Be Okay One Day, Don’t Worry.

That Day I Went To My Master, My God And Bend My Knee Before Him For My Creation.


After Some Months, One Day I Saw Joe In A Very Pathetic Status, He Seemed So Sad, But When He Saw Me He Tried to Give Me A Smile.

I Also Tumbled Seeing Him And Went Near Him And Asked What Happen?

He Said, Nothing Happen Master, Your Smile Was Right And My Bad Dreams.

I Shouted, Tell Me What Happen?

He Said, Yesterday, When I Chat With Her Sitting On A Table I Fell Off and Cloth Get Dirt, She Accompanied Me To Wash Room To Change My Cloth,

When I Get Rid Of My Cloth She Saw My Body Is Wooden And She Said Wow, She Said You Are Really Special. Then My Hole Got Her Attention, She Touched There And Asked Me What Is This, I Explained The Incident Happen On That Day By Insects and Your Help.

She Said Okay And Then Helped Me To Get A Good Cloth, Then We Talked As Usual,

Today, When I Went There I Didn’t Find Her, Later Afternoon I Find Her Coming With A Young Man, She Said, He Is Her Parent, I Said Hi To Him. Then She Took Me Alone To A Corner And Said, You Are Wooden And We Are Flesh. We Have Lots Of Dis Similarities, I Told You In The Beginning Itself That I Don’t Think I Am The Special Person You Are Looking For.

Other Than That When I Talk To My Parent Who Is A Carpenter, He Told Me That You Are Wooden And More Over, You Are A Damage Product, And As You Know, No Body Likes A Damaged Product.

For A Second I Didn’t Know What To Say, But Then I Realized That I Got Your Answer, Your Confirmation That That Is Not My Doll.

He Looked At Me And Hugged Me And Said, I Am Sorry Master, I Made A Mistake Finding The Wrong Doll, I Understood I Can’t Find The Doll You Created For Me Unless You Help Me.

Then He Went To His Room.


Days Passed, He Is Acting As Normal, Now A Day He Is Not Annoying Me Showing His Drawings, One Day I Asked Him, What Happen, Why You Don’t Ask Me About Your Drawings And About Your Doll.

He Smiled At Me And Said, I Trust You Fully, Now I Won’t Make Another Mistake.

I Really Got Into Trouble. Now What I Do, I Don’t Know.

It Has Been a Long Time He Visited The Market Place, I Asked Him To Join Me To Visit Market, 


At First He Denied, Then He Came With Me,

We Roamed All Around The Market, But When I Reached a Corner Of Market, He Said, I Am Not Coming There.

 I Asked Why? He Said, It is Her Place, I Terrible Feel Pain Inside When I Come To This Corner, Please Don’t Force Me To Go There.

I Laughed, You Love Her?

He Said, No I Don’t Love Her, I Was Always In A Confusion That “Is Her Your Creation Or Not”, But In Between, Somewhere I Started To Like Her, Some Of Her Characters And Attitudes.

I Didn’t Love Her Fully, But Somewhere I Loved Her, It Is True.

Telling This He Walked Back and Return To Home Without Waiting For Me.


When I Reached Home, I Said, I Am Sorry, It Was My Mistake. 

He Said No Master, It Was My Mistake, I Didn’t Believe You, Trust You, Instead Tried To Go With My Stupid Decision And I Realized That Without You I Am Just Nothing.

So No Pain, No Regret, I Trust You Fully, Now Only You Decide And I Do.

He Came Near Me And Hugged Me.


Years Passed, Everything Changed, Now Joe is Not Just A Wooden Doll, But A Person, A Model Of Success And  An International Organization, Which Interferes In Every Aspect Of Human Life, Society And System.

He Got Everything,

But I Know He Doesn’t Have Anything Other Than Me. 

What A Wooden Structure Like Him Can Able To Do With All Those Stuffs Humans Use. He Don’t Need Any Of This.

I Know He Is Only Looking For His Doll And He Is Looking That Not In The World But In My Eyes.


Joe Is Coming,

He Smiled At Me And Came Near Me And Hugged Me,

And Said In My Ears “I Trust You Fully And Will Trust You Till I Get Destroyed Forever”

He Again Smiled At Me And Then Kissed At My Cheek, Then As Usual Left To Board His Aircraft, To Gain New Destination And To Earn New Highs Which Doesn’t Have Any Value In His Life! 

The Pain.

You Know What Is The Most Painful Moments Of Life?

It Is Not The Last Seconds Of Death, The Last Seconds Will Last For Only Few Seconds, Then It Will Fade Away From Us As It Never Even Existed.

The Most Painful Moment In Life Is When We Abandon Our Loved Ones For Their Good,

Sometimes Being With Us Only Give Them Sadness And Pain And Nothing Else, Then We Decide To Go Away From Them Beyond Their Reach.

Even Though Physically We Are Beyond Their Reach,  We Realize Our Heart Never Left Them And Wander Around Them As A Lost Soul.

Perhaps They Will Forget Us In The Struggle Of Their Life, But It Is We The Idiots Didn't Able To Forget Them,

The More We Try To Forget, The More They Become Visible In Our Heart And In Our Every Breath.

Still We Will Be Happy Seeing That They Are Now Not Asking For Their Father And Can Able To Live Their Own.

Yes, They Almost Forget Me, Now They Don't Even Remember My Face, 

Life Is Giving Me More Time To Live, 

But I Don't Know Why I Need This Much Time, 

Perhaps I Have To Cleanse Myself In This Pain Of Self Abandonment To Get Out From The Guilt  Of Sins I Did Against Them, My Own.

I Know It Is Hell, Living In This Darkest Corner Of World, Still I Am Happy, Because I Am Not Hurting Anyone,

I Tried To Make Him Understand The Reality Of Life And His Need For This World, 

But He Didn't Hear Me, 

He Said, Ron - Life Is Not Important, The Reason For Our Existence Is Important; 

With Out Reason, Life Is Just A Foolish Dream Which Never Achieves,

Just A Waste Of Time And Space.

I Said Nothing, After All He Is Mad,

He Can't Able To Understand Us,

And We Can't Able To Understand Him,

Because He Is Mad!

I Return From Him Thinking What I Lost There While Talking With That Mad; Perhaps My Time. Don't Know!

Disappointing Dreams

Sometimes Our Dreams And Expectation Will Remain As Dreams Only Without Fulfilling.

The Time We Took To Prepare, The Lost We Allowed In Our Life, The Sacrifices We Made Makes Us Sick When We Realize That Even This Much Years Of Journey, The Horizon Is Still Beyond Reach.

And One Day, Tired and Exhausted, You Will Give Up Your Dream To Touch The Horizon.

But The Days You Lost; Wandering and Seeking A Dream; Never Come Back.

Instead The Past Will Laugh At You Showing Its All Teeth As If He Succeeded In Making You Look Like An Idiot.

It is Not About The Lost Dreams, But It is About You Let Yourself As An Idiot Before The Mirror You Look Your Reflection Daily And Before The World Who Always Wanted To See Your Fault.

It Is All About The Time You Lost, The Expectations Collapsed,

But In Life Most of Our Dreams Are Mean To Get Shattered.

Sometimes Even After Our Hard Work Also The Dreams Won’t Come To Life As Reality.

And Sometimes Our Dreams Will Tell Us That I Am Not Your Dream and Fades Away From Our Life.

There Are People Who Touched Their Dreams or Grabbed Their Dreams,

But After Much Trouble When They Grab Their Dream, They Finds Unsatisfied Because They Realize That The Dream In Their Hands Is Not That Worthy Enough For The Pain They Took To Grab It.

In Them Some People are So Mysteries That They Feels They Achieved Their Dream and Now There is No Reason For Them To Move Forward, To Wander, To Get Tense, To Cry, To Expect And To Live.

Dreams Are Beautiful Angels,

But Never Make Your Life A Cemetery Of Lost Dreams or Of Dreams Thrown Away!

Life Is Mean For More Worthy Things!

It Was a Long Waiting,

It Was a Long Waiting,

Everything Changed But The Place He Waits and His Waiting Never Changed These All Years.

I Know Him Very Well, I Have Been Seeing His Endless Waiting For This Much Years, Like All I Also Did Advice Him That The Waiting is of No Use, Perhaps She is Dead or Perhaps She Don’t Even Remember You and Your Child.

Then He Tell Me That Perhaps, But Perhaps If She is Alive?

I Have No Answer For Him.

I Remember the Day They Came to Our Place, A Women, A Man and Their Beautiful Child.

They Were So Happy, They Talked To the People of Neighbourhood Friendly, In Hours They Become One of Us,

They Said They Have A Project Here For Our Good and the Prosperity of Our Land Which is Approved By The State and They Just Come Here to Visit the Place and Know People Before Official Initialization of The Official Machinery.

They Were in a Vacation Mood, Visiting Every Spots of Our Place and Takes Photographs and Enjoying Different Foods, Playing With Children, Talking To The Families and People.

Perhaps They are Gathering Data or Perhaps They are Enjoying The Visit, Don’t Know.

We Thought They are Leaving By Night, They Too Said Nothing About Staying.

The Next Day Morning We Saw Him With His Child, Sitting Under The Big Old Banyan Tree. He Was Little Bit Disturbed.

People Asked Him Why You Sit Here?

He Said I Am Waiting For My Wife, Yesterday She Told Me That She Will Be With Me Before We Return and Left Us, Hence We Are Waiting For Her Return.  Still She Didn’t Come.

The Waiting Continues Till Now, Now He is Very Old.

Other Than Machineries and Instruments For the Project No Official People Came to Take Up The Project.

When We Ask Him About The Project of The State, He Replied Us That He Can’t Able to Do It Alone, With Out Her as She Is One of The Highest Authorities Who Should Give Approval Of Every Process of The Project.

We Understood That Nothing is Going to Happen As No One In Our Local Govt Body is Aware of This Plan of The State.

My Parents and Other People Advice Him to Get Marry With a Girl From Our Place and Be One of Us, He Always Smiled And Refused.

But Always We See A Kind of Hope In Him of Her Return.

Once I Saw Tears Coming From His Eyes,

I Asked, Why Old Man You are Crying,

He Looked At Me and Said, I Am So Sad By Seeing The Condition of Your Locality, Your Place.

See There They Started a New Brothel, Girls of My Daughter’s Age, to Whom I See Since I Came Here Under This Tree are Now Grown Up and Selling Out There Like Meat In The Market.

When I Asked to Those Children Why They are Selling Themselves, They Told That Uncle There Is No Other Option Left With Us To Help Our Old Parents and Younger Siblings.

I Asked Is This The Only Way? Then They Smiled and Said. Uncle The Society is Ready To Help Us, But When They Give Help They Are Looking Something Else In Return and They Are Not Only Looking To My Body, But To My Younger Ones Too. So It is Better I Die Little By Little For The Sake of My Family.

Saying This She Laughed and She Walked To The Crowd. I Saw A Small Drop of Tear In Her Eyes.

I Said Uncle Now The World is Changing, No Body Got Time To See This Issue, All are Busy, You Just Mind About Your Own Daughter and No One Else. You Can’t Help Them, Hence Just Ignore Such Things.

He Smiled At Me and Said I Can’t Help Them And That Is My Mistake, That is My Mistake, He Shouted With Angry.

I Turned Back and Started Walking Murmuring “He is Really Mad, Now A Day Who Cares About Such Thing, Who Got Time”.

The Old Man Clapped His Hands and Called Me. I Turned,

He Asked.

Why There is a Crowd In That House, What Happen?

I Said The Mother of That House Died Yesterday, I Think They are on Their Way for The cremation.

What Happen He Asked?

I Said, I Think She Has Been Got ill for Last Several Months, But As You Know We Don’t Have Proper Medical Facility Over Here and They Don’t Have Enough Money to Take Her to The Super Speciality Hospitals at City. So She Died,

We Small People Only Got This Much Uncle, We Lives Here Like Worms and Dies Here Like Worms, No One is There To Help Us, Not Even The God.

All Facilities are Only For Rich and The Rich Never Allow Us To Become Rich Like Them. We Are Here to Accept Their Orders and To Clean Their Dirt.

They Can Use Our Girls And Boys For Their Works And Entertainments, They Can Do Whatever With Our Lands, Our Homes, No One Will Ask Them.

And Our People They Only Want to Forget All These Issues.

For That Your State Has Given Us Plenty of Liquor Shops in Every Nook. And Every Young And Old, Girl and Boy, Including Me, Drinks Till We Loose Our Conscious.

Uncle You Always Ask Me Why I Drink? This is The Reason, I Can’t Live In This World With Conscious, I Can’t Handle My Problems So I Want to Forget. Forget Everything. I Shouted And I Walked Away.

After Two Days, I Saw Him Again, He Smiled At Me.

I Too Smiled,

I Said, Uncle We Understand That You are From A Good Place, You Should Go, Why You are Wasting Your Daughter’s Life Here, Why You are Wasting Your Life Waiting Someone Who Perhaps Will Never Come.

He Looked At Me and Said, You All Are My Own In These Years, In These Years I Saw Many of My Own Dying, I Saw Many Of My Own Sacrifice Their Life For Their Loved Ones, I Saw Youth, New Generation Of This Land Kills Each Other For Reasons Unknown To Them, I Saw Parents Thrown Out By Their Own Children, I Saw Even Parents Who Sell Their Children As Slaves And In Brothels, I Saw Infants Misused By Their Own ,

Even People Who Considers As Good is Also Taking The Opportunity To Do Evil and To Hurt The Holiness of God. The Authority Who is Responsible For Saving The Land and People of Land, is Only Worrying About Themselves.

All are Running To Grab Something,

I Know Perhaps I Could Have Able to Do Some Help For You and The Land I Live With My Daughter, You are The People Who Helped Me, Who Give Shelter to Me When I Came Here and When I Become Alone.

In These Years When I See All These Losses, I Hoped That Perhaps She Will Return And Together We Can Able to Do Things Which Ultimately Help You All, Hence Even Though I See My Own Dying I Deliberately Denied Myself Crying.

But Now It is Too Late, The Losses Are Increasing And I Can’t Able to Bear This Pain,

I Am Now Worrying About My Child,

Perhaps I Can Able To Forgive Her For Hiding This Long Years Away From Me and My Child, But With These All Losses If I Lose My Child Too Then Perhaps I Will Never Forgive Her, I Will Never Forgive Her...

He Looked Very Angry, His Face Become Red and I Saw His Eyes As Fire Balls.

I Never Seen Him In So Much Anger.

I Got Little Bit Afraid, I Said, Okay, Okay Uncle,

And When I Walk to Liquor Shop I Thought, Perhaps This is The Reason Why His Wife Abandon Him, Who Can Able to Live With Such a Mad Man? Idiot.

I Wondered How His Daughter Lives With Him,

Let Him Wait, Wait As Long As He Wish, It is His Fate;

Now  It is My Time to Forget Everything, I Opened The Cap From The Liquor Bottle...

The Fallen Man

- Scribing Some Shattered Thoughts Came to My Mind, When I Sit Idle. -

Life is not that bad to me even though I Lost Many of Precious Memories from my life and  Lost Many of My Valuable Time.

I always considered and though Myself  proud of facing life face to face without fear and for the daringness inside Me to watch the future embrace Me in Its unpredictable Strong Crushing Hands.

Even though I Always Expecting an unfavourable Moment In Life; I Deliberately Suppress the Fear behind My Dreams and Hope to Not To Fall Till The End I Achieve My Targets of This Beautiful Journey.

Sometimes Dreams Shatters Like Fading Mist and Hopes Like a Fake Imagination,

The Wise Told Me Not to Dream and Not to Expect Too Much From Dreams and Hopes;

I Know, They are Right,

But They Don’t Know It is Only The Dreams and Hopes are My Companions to Find My Destiny.

Without Them I Will Be Too Alone and Won’t Able to Complete This Pilgrimage Which I Have to Finish Before Time.

In Life I always wanted to Be Strong before world and Self.

But Sometimes Life Wants Us to Come Out From the Shell We Build Around Us to Make Ourselves Comfortable By Our Fake Assumptions to Teach Us New Lessons of Life.

Last day when I Walk, Somehow I Missed One Step Before Me and my knee bend like I Just Fall,

Entire My Body Weight Came to My One Leg and It Strained My Leg Muscles and Made My Leg Difficult to Move forward.

Holding The Hands of My Friend, Immediately I Raised As If Nothing Happen.

But I Find It is Not Easy to Move Forward, In a Second Entire Body and Head Drenched With Sweat.

Yea, Always You Can’t Skip Problems, Sometimes What You Have to Face, You Have to Face.

After Taking Some Rest, We Started Walking, Crippled...

I Thought Perhaps If I Get a Pan With Me Then Perhaps I May Get Some Charity Showing My Crippled Leg,

Unfortunately We Missed to Take a Snap of That Moment in Our Mobile or Camera.

Any How We Finished Our Mission There With That Crippled Leg and I Said Bye to Him and Return Home.

On The Way Back Consultant Our Doctor and He Said Not to Worry.

Then Three Weeks,

I Understood The Value of a Leg.

No Much Pain, No Plasters, No Other Issues But I Can’t Able to Walk Properly With My Left Leg.

Even Though Doctor Asked to Take Rest, A Kind of Fear Came to My Mind.

I Said My Mind, that it is a Muscle Strain, You Can Able to Walk, Don’t Worry.

In That Moment, I Thought About People We See Around World On Wheel Chair, Crippled, With One Leg, With No Leg and Disabilities.

I Realized The Pain They Suffer Every Second of Their Life.

As Long As We Don’t Lose Anything From Us, We Won’t Understand The Value of What We Got.

Any How to Overcome My Fear, I Started to Make My Leg to Walk and Forced Him By Doing Exercises Which Really Didn’t Do Good But Worsen The Condition, Leg Feet Started Swelling.

Then I Understand I Have to Relax and Stop Struggling.

Yes, Sometimes Our Struggle Won’t Help To Solve The Problem,

Today It is Third Week, Sitting and Relaxing at Home,

Not Feeling Good or Happy, But Sometimes In Life We Will be Forced to Sit Idle and Helpless.

Actually I Have to Learn Alot and Do Some Simulations, But Didn’t Touch The Book in These Days.

Sometimes We Have Amble Time To Waste and Later We Suffer For It. Usually It Happens With Me. I Know It, But Still I am Not Learning From My Mistakes.

In These Days, I Thought About My Grandpa, He Was 84, But Strong Heart, 6 Pack Body, Clear Vision, Clear Hearing, Only He Lost Some Teeth and Some White Hairs Made Him Old Man.

One Day He Fallen and His Leg Born Broken,

Doctors Fixed It With Screws and Steel, But After He Came to Home I Didn’t See He got Courage to Walk, He Never Even Give a Try. Perhaps I Didn’t See,

I Saw Him Always in Bed Sleeping Tired, He Refused to Get Up Even Though He Can, Perhaps.

And Unfortunately It Weaken His Health and Body and In a Month He Passed Away.

I Always Confused That Why He Didn’t Try to Walk, Perhaps He Could Have Walk, Then Perhaps He Could Be Alive. But He didn’t Try.

Today, I Think Perhaps He Tried But Failed and Then Perhaps He Realized His Running is Over and He Let Himself Into The Freezing Hands of Death Without Struggle or Pain Away From Struggle and Pains of this World.

When We Have Reasons to Live, We Won’t Let Ourselves, We Will Struggle, We Will Fight; But When We Don’t Have Any Reasons to Live Further, Any Dream Left For Tomorrows; Then We No More Show Resistance To The Decision of Almighty God For a Graceful Return.

Today Sunday Is My Last Day I am Giving to Rest, Three Weeks Over, Still I Am Not Fully Cure, But I Have to Walk, I Have to Go Outside, I Have to Be Normal.

Because Sometimes It Is Not Easy to Accept The Decisions of Destiny As He Says,

Obstacles May Come In Life, Hope May Loss, Dreams May Fade, Those Who Accompanied You May Return, But You Never Changes and Your Missions, Your Pilgrimage. Everybody Has to Finish Their Destination,

For That We Should Not Get Distracted By What We See Around Us, With Us.

Because What We See is Not As It Is Seen!  

   

The Unworthy God!

I Asked Him Why are You Sitting Here? He Said, no Just to Relax, How are You?

I Said, Not Bad, I am Fine, and Sit Near Him Looking Into the Horizon,

I Again Asked Him Why You Look So Sad?

He Gave Me a Sad Smile and Told, 

You Know, I am a God, But Sometimes I Feel So Insulted and Unworthy When My Own Rejects Me.

I Said, wow, What Happen Now To Become This Much Down?

He Looked At Me For a While and Said,

When I Call Someone to Serve Me, He Comes to Me Giving Lots of Promises and Lots of Love To Me, When I See that I Feel So Proud and I Dream Good Things Over Him, Good Mission Through Him.

But When He Walk With Me In Years of Formation and Life, One Day I Will Find That He Run Away Abandon Me Even Without Telling Me a Good Bye.

Sometimes He Tells The World That My House is Bad and It is Unworthy To Be My Servant and Sometimes He Even Announce To The World That I Don’t Exist.

The Child The Most I Loved, To Whom I Dreamed and Planed Great Things Turn His Back Towards Me and Claiming That I Am Just a Myth.

I Laughed In Big Voice, He Looked at Me In a Pity Way,

I Said, Hey Bro, This is Not Your First Experience,You Know It Is How Man Behaves, So Why Worry Yaar? Just Forget It Yaar...

Taking a Long Breath He Said, Yea I Know and I Accepts But I Can’t Able to Cover My Pain, I Can’t Able to Hide My Tears.

You Know Today A Beautiful Child I Loved So Much and Carried Her On My Hands Said Good Bye To Me,

When She Said Good Bye, She Didn’t Looked At My Face As If I Am Someone Who Is So Ugly.

I Gave Everything She Wanted and Kept Her Always Near to My Heart As My Beautiful Child, My Little Bride.

But When She Left Me, She Said, You are Okay, But Your House and The People In The House is Not Acceptable For Me, Hence I Am Leaving You.

Today When I Sit Here, I Just Remember All The Promises She Made To Me and All Those Good Words She Told Me.

In These Years, I Always Wanted Her To Help Others As My Hands, Comfort Others As My Voice and Presence. But Now All Those Dreams are Just Dreams and Nothing More.

I Said, Hey, I Know The Pain, But You Can’t Do Much Yaar.

You Know All Those Who Leave You Always Got a Reason, Why You are Not Making The System Better. Perhaps They are Also Right.Don’t You Think So?

He Smiled and Said, Last Day One of My Son Left Me,The Reason He Told Is That He Loves A Girl  Who Comes From a Different Culture, Life Style and Practice and As He Can’t Live Without Her, As He Loves Her So Much,  He Decided to Reject Me and Throw Me Out From His Life For Her.

You Think They Rejects Me Only Because of System?No, They Always Have a Reason To Reject Me; Or They Will Make a Reasons To Reject Me For Their Gain, Because For Them I Am Just a Servant Who Gives Them What All They Ask, For Them I Am Just A Guard Who Protects Them From Hazards 

For Them I Am Just A Foolish God Who Forgives Them What All Bad They Do For The Sake of My Love Towards Them.

Do You Think I Am a Heart Less Person Who Can Be Used When You Need and You Can Throw Me When You Don’t Want Me In Your Life?

I Also Got Flesh, Blood and a Good Heart.

You Always Got Right to Reject Me, Pain Me, Insult Me. But Please Understand I Am a God and When You Do These All To Me I Feels Hurt, My Eyes Floods With Tears, My Heart Breaks.

He Paused and Continued,

Yea, Perhaps I Am Loving Them Too Much That I Forgets What They Do To Me In These Years, Yes I Am a Foolish God Who Loves Them This Much That Even By Giving My Own Life I Purchased Them,

Let Them Reject Me, Hurt Me, Wound Me, Insult Me,But I Won’t Stop Loving Them.

This is How I Am Going To Take Revenge upon Them,

The More They Hurt Me, The More I Love Them.

And I Have Hope That One Day They Will Learn to Love Me As I Love Them.

I Will Make Them Force to Love Me.

I Said Nothing,

Let Us Go Bro, It is Getting Late. I Said and Stood,

He Said, No, You Go, I Want Sometime More Here With My Heavenly Father, I Have to Convince Him That I Am Okay and Didn’t Hurt and Still I Didn’t Fail, Today or Tomorrow I Will Win The Hearts of My People, My Children.

I Left Him There.

I Don’t Know The Future, But I Know His Passion Is So Pure and Strong That One Day, Man Kind Will Know How Much He Loves Them and Will Be Forced To Love Him IN RETURN!

Way of Cross at Wayanad Ghat Road 2014

It is Another Year To Wayanad Ghat Road Covering 14 KM of Way of Cross With Antony and Christy Theckan.

 

This Time I Really Missed The Presence of Mr. Bibin and Mr. Rajesh.

 

Last Two Time We All Together Achieved The Journey.

 

It is Nice to Cover Each Cross and Each of 9 Hair Pin Bends, Around 3 to 4 Hour Walk. A Kind of Spiritual Realization and Satisfaction When Achieving Each Point of Way of Cross.

 

The Pain of Legs, The Tiredness of Body And The Long Path Before Us Is Life, Which Stands Before Us, As Can't Be Achieved.

 

But If Determination Is There At Heart Then We Can Able to Achieve Any Hard Targets.

 

I Have Seen That The Prayer While Journey and The Song We Sing As Prayer Helped Us To Forget the Suffering of Body and Tiredness and Helped Us to Achieve Upto The 14th Cross Easy.

 

Means, Only Determination Won't Make Journey Effective, We Have to Be With God In Our Journey To Achieve It,

 

In Every Second If We Stand With Him, Travel With Him Then He Will Hold Us and Strengthen Us to Earn Our Success In Life.

 

Last Time, When I Get A Message Over My Phone In The Last Laps of Way of Cross, Disturbed My Mind and I Find It So Hard To Move Further Steps Because of My Angry Heart.

 

This Time I Made It Sure That I Don't Attend Phones or Messages, It Helped Me To Keep My Heart In Prayer and Calmness.

 

Yea, If Sin is There With Us Then It is So Hard to Achieve Our Life. Hence If We Find Anything is Not Helping Us To Gain Our Target Then We Should Remove The Sin In Us,

 

We Should Drop The Burden "Sin" In The Hands of Lord So That We Can Able to Move Light Weight and Easy.

 

Last Time I Thought Not To Drink Water and Move Forward But It Really Weaken My Body, As I Have a Body Structure Which Sweats Easy and My Cloths Will Change its Colors to White Because of Salt.

 

This Time I Changed That Too, I Had Enough Water, Which Helped Me Alot In The Journey to Move Easy.

 

In Our Life Also We Need Enough Holy Spirit With Us To Help Us Move Forward. Our Own Strength Won't Help Us To Reach The Targets We Expects In Our Life.

 

Hence Let Us Have Enough or More Than Enough Holy Spirit With Us, So That We Live Till We Accomplish Our Mission In This Holy Life!

 

Thank You Christy For This Journey as It is You Who Inspired Me The First Time To Join This Beautiful Journey of Way of Cross at Wayanad Ghat Road.