After A Christmas

Whole One Month Preparations And Celebrations Are Over; Christ is Born.

Now Life Again Return Back to Normal,

I am Leaving Little Jesus Here, Taking My Burdens On My Shoulder,

Before Leaving I Looked and Smiled at Him and Told Him “See You On Good Friday and Then Easter”

He Smiled Back,

Yea, I Know Nothing Can Be Changed, Perhaps He Too Know That.

While I Walked Through The Rough Climate Outside, I Realized That I Am Happy But I Am Sad.

Perhaps I Should Not Be Here, I Shouldn’t See Him,

Then Perhaps I Could Have Less Pain When I Pierce His Heart, When I Thrash Him To Bleeding, When I Throw Him To The Most Painful Death.

My Legs are Trembling, I Was About to Fall, Suddenly I Took My Conscious Back, I Shouted To My Legs To Be Strong,

I Said Them “We Have to Go A Long Path Forward Before You Forget How To Walk”  

And I Raised My Legs High and Forced Them To Move Forward.

Yes, Tomorrow I Will See This Beautiful Little Child as a Handsome Active Youth,

But I Won’t Get Time to Cherish In His Success and His Graceful Happiness,

In No Time I Will See Him Dragged Through The Streets Like One The Most Hated,

And I Will Be There In One of Them To Drag and To Kick Him.

Oh I Closed My Eyes,

I Don’t Know Why This Thoughts Coming In To My Mind,

I Should Have Move Forward, I Said Myself,

I Walked Forward Resisting The Cold Wind,

Slowly I Tried To Forget Him,

But I Know I Can’t Forget Him,

Time is Moving Fast, And I Won’t Get Time to Forget Him,

When I Reach Jerusalem , I Will See You As A Scapegoat Before Me, For Me,

And Even Though I Wish to Help You, I Won’t,

Instead I Will Throw You Into the Hands Who Wants to Shatter You,

At That Time You Will Smile At Me and I Will Remember That Beautiful Smile of You When I First Saw You In The Cradle With Your Mama and Papa, I Will Remember Your Raised Little Hands At Me and The Kiss I Gave To Those Beautiful Hands of Yours; In This Cold Christmas Day.

I am Holding My Tears, For That Day,

I Want to Burst to Cry, But No, Not Now,

I Will Cry, I Will Burst To Cry In Silence,

But Only After Throwing You to Those Merciless Hands For My Greed, To Keep My Priorities.

I Walked Forward,

Murmuring…

The Poorest

This World is Full of Passion,

The Passion of Our Father, Our Mother, Our Brothers, Our Sisters, Our Children, Our So Called Friends, Our Siblings, Our Love and Sometimes Even Strangers.

Still Sometimes We Won't Be Able to Say "Yes" To Any Of Those Choices;

Not Because We Don't Love Them; But Only Because We Love Them So So Much, And That is How Life Goes.

Life is Sometime So Strange,

When We Ask For Something; Life Won't Give It To You, It Say "Wait" 

And When You are Not In a Position To Accept; Then Life Will Give You Plenty. 

And You Will Be Forced To Say "No".

Rain Started to Fall, Now He Can Able to Hide His Tears Easy,

He Walked Towards The Future, To Win And To Gain,

But He Don't Know, Why and For What?

Another New Year is On The Door Steps,

All Are Busy in Preparing For Christmas, To Enjoy and Celebrate The Birthday of Little Jesus, And Looking Forward For a New Year Full of Happiness and Opportunities. 

He is Tired, He Sat Between The Poorest of the Poor, Those Poor To Whom They Got Only God and No One Else With Them.

In Those Poor, He Saw The Beggars To The Billionaires,

All Smiled at Him and He Too Smiled Back, But No One Talk,

Sometimes Silence Talk Wise; They Know They Don't Need to Talk, 

A Whole Life They All Talk Alot, But No One Hold Their Hands When They Were Alone In The Crowd, 

In The End They Reached the Door Steps of Someone Who Only Talked to Them In Silence Through Out Their Entire Life; But Only Now They Started to Understand Him,

When He Had Enough Resting, He Rise, All Looked At Him in Wonder, 

He Smiled and Said, Still I Have to Wander Little More, Then I Will Return Back,

One Day I Will Also Lose Everything That I Got and Whoever With Me,

And Will Become a Poor Like You Who Only Got God and Nothing And NoOne With,

Till Then I Have to Wander For My Dreams and For Whoever I Assume Mine,

Yes, This World is Full of Passion, Let Me Enjoy It By Just Missing It.  

The Beggar

I Really felt so sad seeing these poor People, I always confused why God Allowed such a life to these People; Are they not his Children? I Really got Angry to God.

So I decide to help a poor beggar I Usually See in the Streets,

I went to that old guy I usually see, he is a drunk, lives in the street, sleeps in the streets.

When I came near him he fetched his hands for alms, I put some coins to his hands and asked are you Happy with your life?

He replied me with a smile Are You Happy With Your Life Son?

He Laughed, and continued, people think that we beggars are so sad, living a very pity life. but actually we are the people who lives in peace, happiness and in comfort.

People like you called yourselves educated high society and your Laws are Our real problem.

As long as No One Disturbs Our lives, We lives Happy and Dies Happy In Freedom, Without regret, Without Pain In The Hands of The Nature and in the Hands of The Creator of this World.

I Asked Him, Do You Believe in God?

He Smiled and Told Me, Son, don't worry too much about us, we are always near to The Creator, our last and first hope is only him, we are not like you who remember him always as the last option. 

For us no one will be there when we get ill, get into any issues. We live or die no one cares but we know he cares us; Only He Cares Us.

Live or Die without his knowledge nothing happens in our life hence we don't worry about what he plans for us. We accept him without regret or pain and with complete obligation and acceptance.

By the way what good are you going to do for us?

You will give us a shelter of four walls, lots of rules and regulations to live there, will give a timetable for each and every sec of our life, you will display us before the world as your good deed, you will teach us and force us to live how you lives and what you assumes as perfect life and you will ask us to bend our knee before whoever you bend your knee.

Son, You are inviting us to live a life full of restrictions, here in this street we lives a life of freedom and bends our knee before only God The Creator.

I heard him silently and when he stopped talking I asked him. but always you need to fetch your hands before this so called people you considers little, they are giving you food for your life, you are enjoying the value of their struggle.

He smiled and asked me, Why you are trying to help me? You are guilty, feel guilty for Enjoying Delicious Food Full of stomach while I starve here or you think you also got a responsibility for my poverty and you want to escape from that guilty feeling by doing something for me or else you are doing good as a charity to escape from the grave sins you did before The Almighty.

Seldom people do good things without any reason and to see such people we don't need to come to your homes or your world because such people lives among us and not among you.

Son in reality there is no difference between you and me.  Actually you are living in a worst Life than me.

You always live in worry and in problems,

Not a single day you can able to sleep sound, Daily you are begging to your boss to keep you in the job, daily you are begging to God for your new needs and the new needs of your own and everyday you are trying to tell yourself that you are happy, you are trying to make Yourself believe that you are happy.

Son, Why don't you come with me, and live with me leaving everything behind you and giving yourself in the hands of God.

Even you don't know you exist tomorrow or not; you worrying about your tomorrows,

Here you will find peace, happiness, comfort, sound sleep and freedom. Here you can't see yourself struggling, here you don't need to tell yourself and make yourself believe that you are happy, Here you are living because you will find yourself living. He Laughed In a Loud Voice

I Realized, that this guy is Mad, he is not going to change, because he don't want to, what all blunder he is talking; He don't know the value of family, being with them, live for them, the mischief of children, dream about their good future, he can't able to understand these all things, he is really insane. A beggar talks big things, funny.

I really felt so angry, cursing him in mind I stood and left him without saying a word.

Once again I turned and looked at him, he is busy with his work or something, perhaps he already forgot that I was there with him to help him. I felt so insulted, I murmurer "these kind of guys doesn't deserve help, they are meant for living in dirt, they live there and die there in this dirt of the world, these people should wipe out from the face of earth, they don't have right to live."

I continued my walk........

Life Without Life

There are Times in Life We Expect Our Life Will Support Us, But Sometimes Waiting Seems Never Ends.

I Always Think That if The Hands are Not Ready to Hug in The Right Time Then What is the Use of Those Hands in The Time When We Really Don't Need That Support of Those Hands.

What is The Use of Tears From Eyes Which Never Cried When Their Own Was Alive.

After All, We All are Living For a Short Span and In This Short Span If The Required is Not With Us Then What is The Use Of Excuses.

Excuses Got Tons of Reasons to Ignore Ourselves  From The Lives of Our Own.

But No Body Wins, When I Ignore Someone From My Own Life, Someone Ignores Me From Their Own Life as a Burden.

Making Reasons to Live is Not a Good Reason to Live; It is Nothing More Than Pretention.

But Life Itself Has to Get a Reason to Live and For That We Need a Life In Us and With Us.

Living For Myself  is Not Easy to Live, Because My Needs Will Be Filled Easy and I Will Get Exhausted Easy. Then I Require More Reasons to Live.

So It is Always Easy to Live For Others, Because For Others, Problems Never Ends, When We Solve One's, The Other Will Come With Another Trouble. It is Beautiful to Fix, Move and Learn Different.

But Still, One Day We Will Start to Realize, I am Just a Mechanic Who Fix Their Minor Issues and Nothing Else and In Their World I am No One.

There Again We Start to Find Our Reason to Live.

And As Always, Reason Afraid to Approach as It Assumes Something Stupid About Us.

Humans Always Forgets That What We are Seeing is Not Actually What We See.

What Eye See is Not What In Reality, In Some Case It is Much Much Smaller and We Assumes it is So Big, In Another Case We See it is So Simple and Mad But In Reality It Would Be The Best and The Brilliant.

Life; Never Afraid or Confuse to Accept Your Responsibility Else When You Decide To Accept; By The Time It Would Be too Late.

Because Reasons Never Exist Forever Because of Certain Genuine Reasons!

Still Life Need to Exist, With Life or Without Life Because Every Artist Has to Go According to Their Part In The Play As Long As The Character Must Exist.

A Good Artist Just Gives His or Her Best To Make The Play The Perfect By Keeping His or Her Personal Life Apart and Away From The Play.

The Drama Needs to Go On Till The Final Bell Rings.

Artists Comes and Go With Life or Without Life. Sometimes I Feels That The Drama is Important and No One Cares About Artists. I Don't Know…

Dream

For a Second It Felt So Painful, So Mercy Less, Agonizing,

For a Second He Didn't Able to Believe That it is a Truth; a Bloody Truth that "These Long Years He Lived in a Dream, a Fake Impossible Bloody Dream of His Own"

He Wished It Should Not Be The Truth Because He Invested His Twenty Two Long Years For a Dream; Wasted His Life, Career, Missions For Just a Dream Which Doesn't Even Exist.  Oh God He Put His Two Hands Upon His Own Head With Great Agony and With Great Insult.

He Took a Deep Breath, Just Walked Here and There, Talked to People, Tried to Get Engaged and Tried to Convince Himself That "He Was Not Dreaming, it is Not the Fact, He Didn't Lost Anything, He is Not An Idiot, He is Not a Fool, He is Not a Stupid"

But In the End a Smile Came Into His Face. He Realized That "Truth Always Remains Truth, It Can't Be Changed, He Was Dreaming and That is the Bloody Fact"

He Understood That "The Learning, The Fights, The Preparation He Made, The Sacrifice and The Pain He Took, The Expectations and The Realizations He Aggregated Were Mere Foolishness of His Mind and It Doesn't Even Got a Value"

Yes, He Slept For Long Years and Lost Himself In a Beautiful Dream of His Own and Where He Build His Life and Expectations With That Dream.

But Someday Everything Has to Reach An End, Someday The Truth Has to Reveal Himself and When Time Reached The Alarm Started to Ring and He Arise From His Deep Sleep, Wiping His Eyes.

For a Second He Stunned, Then……………….

He Started to Realize the Fact, He Started to Understand The Reality that "Nothing Changed, Nothing Improved, Nothing Achieved, He is Just the Same Mystery, Who Doesn't Have Name, Who Doesn't Have Shape and Who Doesn't Have Existence"

Two Tears Came Out of His Eyes, Then…………..

He Smiled, Because He Realized and Accepted The Truth That He Can't Be Changed.

It is Easy to Look Others Life and Wish to Be Like Them But at the Same Time Others are Looking Towards Him and Wishing to Be Like Him.

It is Like "God Dreams to Be a Man and Man Dreams To Be Like a God". Yes Both are Just "Impossible".

Man Can't Be Perfect and God Can't Be Imperfect.

Some Dreams are Like This, In the End Only We Realize How Long We Wasted to Become Perfect or Imperfect.

He Smiled and Smiled; Thinking Wasting "This Long" From His Journey. He Looked Above, The Sun is Over Head, He Understood He Lost Almost Half Day In a Stupid Dream and Only Got Half Day Remain to Reach The Destination.

He Took a Deep Breath, Then He Jumped Over To His Horse and Driven Him Fast Like Fire, Like Wind Towards The Destination.

Let Us Hope He is Still Not Dreaming and This Time It is a Reality!

A Recollection of Malayatoor Pilgrimage 2013

This time it was decided as a pilgrimage for offering prayers and requests to Our Lord as these days were so painful and full of struggles; not only For me but For My Own Too.

Seeing the Pain and Struggle of Man Sometimes we may feel So angry to God; But when we give time to hear his side then we will find that it is not the mistake of God but it is all Because of We Man Only Ennu.

Man Only Comes to God to Pray, Demand and to Give Requests. No One Spare time to sit before god and to hear what he says to them.

Most of the Time Our intelligence Becomes So Small to Understand His Big Plans,

Sometimes We Understands His Plan But Fails to Trust It Fully as It Seems So Stupid Impossible Plans.

From the Valley I felt it would be So hard to Reach the top of the mountain, I Remembered My Earlier Experience, hence prayed to Abba Father to Hold My Hands So That I Reach the Top of the Malayatoor Hill Easy and Without Much Struggle.

One By One Every Station of Way of Cross Covered and When I Pass Each Station I Saw Him Holding My Hands and Pulling Me to The Next Station.

I Find it So Easy to Climb the Hill; Because He Was there to Pull Me With a Smile.

In that journey I find the struggle of Lord for me, For Us.

He Carried a Cross of Millions of People's Burdens Over His Shoulder and Climbed the Hill Not to Gain Grace or Blessings Like Me, But to Cleanse Me So That I Live.

In Every Station of Way of Cross I Put Prayers, Requests and Demands Before Him So That He Provide Me That In The Name of His Valuable Sacrifice He Made Before God.

Definitely I Meditate the Painful Path of Jesus in Every Station But at The Same Time I Didn't Forget to Demand Him So Many Things Without Considering His Pain, His Wounds and His Struggle For Me. Because I Came There, I Climbed the Mountain, I Took The Lent For a Reason. A Reason Which Benefit Me Or My Own So That I Live Peacefully, My Own Live Peacefully Without Strain.

But I Didn't See Angry On That Beautiful Face - Covered With Blood and Wounds,

Instead I Saw a Brightness On His Eyes and a Beautiful Smile On His Lips.

Which Assured Me That I Will Get What I Asked to Him,

Because He is My Father, My Lord and He Loves Me So Much, He Loves Us So Much.

And That Father is Not Worrying About His Pains, His Struggle and His Burden.

He is Ready to Carry Another Thousand Cross to See a Beautiful Smile of His Children's Face Because He Loves Us Than We Loves Him.

Finally I Reached the Top of The Hill. I am So Happy.

I Forgot That I am Happy Only Because When My Lord Reached the Top of the Hill He Nailed to The Cross and Hanged There For Me, as My Substitute and I am Not.

After a While I Started the Return Journey to the Down Hill, to the Valley.

This Time Too I Hold The Hands of God So That I Reach the Valley Safe and Easy.

This Time I Didn't Consider the The Stations of Way of Cross.

I Moved Fast to Reach The Valley.

And Finally I Reached the Valley.

Oh God, Thank You, This Years Malayatoor Pilgrimage is Over   Now Next Year,

I Said Thanks to God.

He Smiled at Me But I Saw His Eyes Where Filled With Tears.

A God is Crying.

Yea, For Me, For Us It is Just Another Pilgrimage But For His Son It is a Journey of Sacrifice and It Continues As Long As I Didn't Stop Doing Sin; We Didn't Stop Doing Sin.

The Abandon Child

It is a beautiful night, when I sit here, I feel so comfort, from this Cliff the world seems so silent and peaceful, the horizon seems so near.

Down there on ground all are happy and involved in celebrations, the sound of cheers and laughter, the sound of tossing of glasses, the happiness of Life, the Music, the Dance, the Lights, the Stars, the Decorated Crib, the Decorated Trees and Homes, the Sounds of Children. Everyone is So Happy Welcoming the Infant Child, The Infant Jesus.

On That day also they were celebrating, a get together in the name of census.  All Homes are Filled With Guests, Happiness, Cheers, Laughter, Music, Dance. They Enjoyed Eating, Drinking, Singing and Dancing.

No One, didn't mind to mind them; no one got time. By the Way who are they to consider? A Poor Carpenter and His Pregnant Wife. One of the Least Important!

That Husband didn't have to time to worry about such insults, he is worried about getting a safe place for his wife.

She knows that it is time and need to get some place.

He begged people to show some mercy to them, he almost in a Stage to burst to cry, eyes filled with tears, his voice started to raise.

All felt sad about his situation but no one took interested to support him. Why Should they take unnecessary burden over head, they all looked them and turn their faces as they never seen them.

An old woman servant came forward reluctantly and pointed them towards an abandon Barn, almost near to come down, but still a safe place.

The woman left them and return back with some old cloths from her master's home and permission for them to stay there for some days. On that night When the World Around celebrating the get together; in an abandon barn an abandon family got a new member to their Family.

 Time doesn't have mercy, it just moves forward and it is today. Nothing much changed, only characters changed but the play is the same, the old same.

Oh it is midnight, I need to go to bed, exam is next day, need to prepare little bit more. Hope that, Down, the Celebration is over, no sounds, seems all are fell asleep in the tiredness of celebration….