Malayatoor Pilgrimage 2014

Again Another Day, This time Perhaps It is My Final Journey to Malayatoor.

I Don’t Know My Mind Tell So.

Becoming So Old To Reach The Top of a Mountain;

Mind is Getting Old As Well As Body.

If My Spirit is So Strong, Then Perhaps If My God Wills Then My Spirit Will Over Ride The Advice of Body and Mind and Again I See Lord At The Hill Top of Malayatoor. As Lord Wish!

This Lent Season Was So Painful; The People I Met and Understood Carried Big Cross Over Their Shoulder,

They Smiled, But In Between Their Smile I Saw Tears Coming From Their Soul.

I Felt Myself So Helpless To Support Other Than Hear Them and Comfort Them.

I Realized My Hands are So Week As Well As My Authorities and Limitations As Human,

I Looked Around But Seen No One to Support Me as All are In Their Struggles to Live a Better Life,

Sometimes I Too Feel To Abandon The Strings Bound Me and Live a Free Life Ignoring The Tears of My Own Around Me.

But Even Though I Can’t Do Much,

Even Though I Am No One,

 Even Though I Am Nothing,

Even Though I Am Perhaps Just a Funny Character,

I Can Be Someone Who Can Be As Someone To See Others and Their Issue Or Their Tears.

Even Though I Am Blind and Deaf, They Don’t Know I Am Deaf And Blind Hence They Talk All Their Issues and Tears and Show Their Wounds.

I Smile Inside Because When They Show Their Wounds I Can’t See It Because I Am Blind,

When They Cry and Share Their Pain I Can’t Hear, But Knock My Head As If I Hear Everything,

I Wish To Tell Them I Am Blind and Deaf But When I Realize They are Only Looking For Someone to Share Their Pain, Their Wounds.

I Forgets To Tell That I am Blind and Deaf.

This Time I Decided To Carry All Those Wounds and Pains to Malayatoor and As Roy and Bibin Know My Issues, I Know They are There to Support Me To Reach The Hill Top.

In The Midnight, With jinto, Christy and Roy We Wander To Get a Bus To Trichur and By The Grace of God It Was Easy.

Then From There to Kalady, We Heard An Unfortunate News From Bibin Who is From Angamally That It is Private Bus Strike and We Won’t Get Bus, But No Need to Loose Hope as Govt. KSRTC Bus Will Be There.

We Too Thought as We are Going to See Lord Hence He Know How to Carry We His Children To Him.

While Reach Kalady, We Saw Many Waiting For a Bus, After Sometime We Thought Not Waste Time and Took a Autoriksha at a Fare Price and Reached the Slops of Malayatoor.

Then Sit Sometime There Out Side of a Church at the Slops Waiting for Bibin.

Perhaps This Time We All are Little Bit Relaxed and Not In That Spiritual Mode. Talked Lots of Subjects and Talked Jokes and Some Sharings.

The Time Bibin Reached and We Started Our Journey after Purchasing Some Candles and Prayer Book From The Old Mothers We Saw There.

Last Two Time We Went at Night; This is The First Time We are Moving In The Morning and Climate is So Hot. It is 8.15 Am We Started Our Journey of Way of Cross.

I Always Thought That I Can’t Able to Read or Sing The Way of Cross as I Have to Take Lot of Breath While Climbing. But Wonder In This Journey I Lead The Singing and Reading Till the End.

Yea It is True, As Human We Assumes A lot of Nonsense. But If We are With Lord He Converts Every Nonsense to Sense For His Glory and Wonder. Praises to Almighty God!

Even Though I Didn’t Able to Pray Much In This Way of Cross, I Can Able to Dedicate All The Needs of Mine and My Entire Family To Lord In Every Step and In Every Suffering and In Every Pain of Mine When I Climb The Mountain.

In This Journey I Realized When You Have Burden On Your Shoulder and When You are Heavy and Struggling to Reach a Target Then You Won’t Get Much Time To Pray, Instead You Concentrate More On Achieving Your Target Than Prayer.

Which is Wrong, If We Concentrate More on Our Target and Our Burden Then The Journey Won’t Be That Easy.

But If We Concentrate More On Prayer and Only Prayer Then Lord Will Help Us To Achieve The Target and The Journey Will Be Much More Easy.

Half of My Journey I Climbed Looking To The Next Cross and To Reach it. Oh It Was Not Easy,

But The Next Half I Climbed Praying and Calling The Name of My Lord and Yes It is Really Better Easy. 

Yea It is Hard, But His Name Helped Me to Trust Him More To Move Every Step Forward More Easy Than Before,

Perhaps It is My Assumption or Reality, One Thing Is Sure That If You Want to Achieve Your Target Then Concentrate More On Prayer Than The Target, Your Journey Will Be More Easy –

I Won’t Say You Get a Smoot Path, But I Say You Can Able to Overcome All Your Issues More Easy In a Better Way.

In Every Journey I Always Decide Not to Drink Water as It Won’t Help Me In The Journey.

But When I Reached Half of the Mountain, My Lips and throats Started to Find Some Water. As it is Day, Body Started to Sweat Like Raining, Cloths Drenched In Water as If I Had a Bath.

Half Way I Saw Water Pipes, Written Drinking Water. Even Though My Sibs Told Me Not to Drink, Even Though My Mind Told No Ron. I Run Towards The Pipe To Get Some Water.

But No Water In Any Of Those Pipes.

I Did’t I Feel Happy or Sad,

But Then In The Journey Towards The Top of Mountain I Saw Many Pipes With Water But From That One Incident I Realize That I Should Have Enough Strength To Ignore What I Should Ignore.

Sometimes Our Temptations Will Force Us To Do What We Should Not Do,

Our Good Siblings and Inner Spirit Will Also Warn Us.

But Sometimes Our Body is Weaker Than Our Inner Spirit and We Will Run Towards What We Should Not Do and We Fails Our Sibs and The Inside Holy Lord Who Lives Inside Us, Who Warned Us!

Then Reached The Top at Around 10 AM, Had Enough Water, Two Three Liters of Water and Relaxed,

When I Relaxed, I Remembered Roy and Bibin Who Knows Me and About Me and Tried to Support Me Giving Their Hands to Move Forward Every Step,

In Life We May Have Lots of Friends or Sibs or Relatives. But Than Having So Many Friends We Should Have Friends or Sibs Who Dares to Give Us Their Hands To Support Us When We Are In Trouble, We Are In Need.

May God Allow All, Good Sibs As Jesus.

Then The First Time I Participated In The Holy Mass At Hill Top and Received Jesus. As Last Two Times We Came at Night We Didn’t Get Opportunity to Attend Holy Mass.

Gave All Burdens of My All Families In His Hands and Started Our Journey Back to Down Hill.

Perhaps It is Too Hot 01.00 PM, Journey To Down Hill Easy, The Only Thing I Have to Take Care is That I Won’t Fell Down.

Last Two Time I Fallen But Always He Catch Me Hence Literaly “I Never Fallen To Say I Fall”.

 Actually This Time I Don’t Want It too, But My Mind Told Me, There is a Possibility to fall Hence I Was Slow and Steady Not to Fall.

But Body Was Week, Legs are Shivering

In Between I Saw One of My Sib Just Slipped and I Capture Him and Warn Him, But In The Next Move I Slip and Fallen Backward As Usual, But As Usual He Catch Me and I Didn’t Fell Completely.

Yea In Life, How Much We Try to Avoid Falling, It is Not Possible, Somewhere We Will Fall, But As Long as Lord is With Us, He Wont Allow Us To Fall Fully, In Between He Will Catch Us and Rise Us.

If We Won’t Fall In Our Life Time Then I Should Not Be Called Human Instead I Should Call as God. Which is Not Possible, No Body Is Perfect Other Than God.

So Let Us Not Be Ashamed of Falling Instead Make Sure That Our Lord is There Behind Us To Catch Us Before We Fall.

Thank you Lord, Love You.

Then Reached Down Hill and Took Some  Photographs and Had Some Water.

Bibin Said Bye and We Too Board Bus to Calicut.

End of Journey in 2014,

A Nice Journey. 

Thank You To God Our Heavenly Abba Father To Bless All Of Us and Our Families With Us!

Praises to God Almighty! Amen! 

The Smiling Tears Filled With Hope & Faith.

Wish to Cry, But No I Won’t, I Can’t.

On That Day itself I Decided Not to Cry;

But Now I Realize Perhaps I Took a Wrong Decision. Now I Can’t I Am Blocked Inside, My Tears Are Blocked Inside. I Wish to Burstout But I Can't. Oh!

It is Beyond My Ability to Accept, The Fire is There All Around Me, Houses are Burning, People Are Dying, They Show No Mercy to Even Children, Just Slaughters and Moving Forward Like Forces of Darkness.

Today is Their Day, Till Sun Rise They Got Time to Do Whatever They Wish, It is Allowed By The Emperor,

My Hands are Tied, But They Kept My Eyes Open To See What They Do and Ears Open To Hear The Pain of Cry When They Pierce Sword In The Flesh of My People, Our People.

Fortunate or Unfortunate My Mouth is Open, My Voice is Not Blocked, I Tried To Comfort My People With My Unworthy Words, That to Be Calm and Everything Will Be Okay By Morning When Our Lord, Our King Rise and Come Over His Horse With His Warriors.

Unfortunate People, Perhaps They Don’t Have Any Other Option; They  Trust Me and Accepts Me and Hoping For a Better Future Tomorrow,

But They Hardly Bear The Pain and I Am Helpless, I Can’t Able to Do Anything Other Than Comfort Them. My Hands are Tied, My Legs Hardly Can Move.

I Am Also Wounded, I Can’t Keep Myself Alive More Time, Still I Am Trying to Keep Myself Alive Till My King Reach Here and Makes Everything Perfect, Till I Give My Responsibility In His Mighty Hands.

I Said, Myself that I Can, I Have To.

I Smiled At Them and Told Them, It is Okay Your Wound is So Small, Just Look at Cross and See How Much He Suffered For Us, It is Much Bigger Than Ours and It is For Us, Hence Never Leave Hope, He Will Come For Us, We Suffered This Much, Now Little Bit More, The Sun is About to Rise, Some More Hours.

They Trusted Me and Said In Their Feeble Voice That They Too Have Hope and Will Stand Till The End.

But I Saw They are Fading, They are Getting Weaker and Weaker.

I Said It is Okay, Sleep Sound, When Morning Comes I Will Wake you up.

I Know I Can’t Able to Wake Them as They are Going to Sleep Forever, But I Wish To See Their Beautiful Smile Remain On Their Face; The Smile Filled With Faith and Hope.

When My Lord Come, Perhaps I Would Have Also Started My Sleeping, But Looking Our Smiling Face, He Knows How Much We Trusted Him and How Much We Expected Him!

I Am Also Feeling So Tired, Still I Am Hearing The Struggle and Pain of My People He Allowed In My Hands, But Now It is Fading, Perhaps My Hearing is Getting Weaker, My Eyes are Shutting, Oh I Need to Sleep, Oh God, When You Come Please Call Me, I Trust You, I Still Have Hope In You, Love You!

കണ്ണാടി (The Mirror)

Malayalam Story
Written By Roy Francis
Dated: 15th Jan 2014

പപ്പു തന്റെ കുടുംബത്തോടൊപ്പം കാട്ടിലായിരുന്നു താമസിചിരുന്നത്,

ഒരു ദിവസം പപ്പുവിനു കാട്ടിൽനിന്നും ഒരു കണ്ണാടി കിട്ടി,

കണ്ണാടിയിൽനോക്കിയ പപ്പു സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ടു തന്‍റെ അചഛനാണു എന്നു കരുതി കണ്ണാടി തന്‍റെ വീട്ടിലേക്കുകൊണ്ടുപൊയി, ദിവസവും കണ്ണാടിയിൽ നോക്കി സംസാരിക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി.

ഇതു കണ്ട പപ്പുവിന്‍റെ ഭാര്യക്കു സംശയം തൊന്നി.

ഒരുദിവസം പപ്പു വീട്ടിൽ ഇല്ലാത്ത സമയത്തു ഭാര്യ കണ്ണാടി എടുത്തു നോക്കി സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ടു പറഞ്ഞു - ഓ അപ്പോ നീയാണല്ലെ എന്നും എന്‍റെ ഭർത്താവിനോടു സംസാരിക്കുന്ന ആ വഞ്ചകി,

ഭാര്യ കണ്ണാടി തന്‍റെ മുത്തശ്ശിയെ കാണിചു.

കണ്ണാടിയിൽ സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ട മുത്തശ്ശി പറഞ്ഞു - ഹോയ് പേടിക്കാനൊന്നും ഇല്ല, കിളവിയാ, ഉടൻ മരിചു പോയി കൊള്ളും.

After A Christmas

Whole One Month Preparations And Celebrations Are Over; Christ is Born.

Now Life Again Return Back to Normal,

I am Leaving Little Jesus Here, Taking My Burdens On My Shoulder,

Before Leaving I Looked and Smiled at Him and Told Him “See You On Good Friday and Then Easter”

He Smiled Back,

Yea, I Know Nothing Can Be Changed, Perhaps He Too Know That.

While I Walked Through The Rough Climate Outside, I Realized That I Am Happy But I Am Sad.

Perhaps I Should Not Be Here, I Shouldn’t See Him,

Then Perhaps I Could Have Less Pain When I Pierce His Heart, When I Thrash Him To Bleeding, When I Throw Him To The Most Painful Death.

My Legs are Trembling, I Was About to Fall, Suddenly I Took My Conscious Back, I Shouted To My Legs To Be Strong,

I Said Them “We Have to Go A Long Path Forward Before You Forget How To Walk”  

And I Raised My Legs High and Forced Them To Move Forward.

Yes, Tomorrow I Will See This Beautiful Little Child as a Handsome Active Youth,

But I Won’t Get Time to Cherish In His Success and His Graceful Happiness,

In No Time I Will See Him Dragged Through The Streets Like One The Most Hated,

And I Will Be There In One of Them To Drag and To Kick Him.

Oh I Closed My Eyes,

I Don’t Know Why This Thoughts Coming In To My Mind,

I Should Have Move Forward, I Said Myself,

I Walked Forward Resisting The Cold Wind,

Slowly I Tried To Forget Him,

But I Know I Can’t Forget Him,

Time is Moving Fast, And I Won’t Get Time to Forget Him,

When I Reach Jerusalem , I Will See You As A Scapegoat Before Me, For Me,

And Even Though I Wish to Help You, I Won’t,

Instead I Will Throw You Into the Hands Who Wants to Shatter You,

At That Time You Will Smile At Me and I Will Remember That Beautiful Smile of You When I First Saw You In The Cradle With Your Mama and Papa, I Will Remember Your Raised Little Hands At Me and The Kiss I Gave To Those Beautiful Hands of Yours; In This Cold Christmas Day.

I am Holding My Tears, For That Day,

I Want to Burst to Cry, But No, Not Now,

I Will Cry, I Will Burst To Cry In Silence,

But Only After Throwing You to Those Merciless Hands For My Greed, To Keep My Priorities.

I Walked Forward,

Murmuring…

The Poorest

This World is Full of Passion,

The Passion of Our Father, Our Mother, Our Brothers, Our Sisters, Our Children, Our So Called Friends, Our Siblings, Our Love and Sometimes Even Strangers.

Still Sometimes We Won't Be Able to Say "Yes" To Any Of Those Choices;

Not Because We Don't Love Them; But Only Because We Love Them So So Much, And That is How Life Goes.

Life is Sometime So Strange,

When We Ask For Something; Life Won't Give It To You, It Say "Wait" 

And When You are Not In a Position To Accept; Then Life Will Give You Plenty. 

And You Will Be Forced To Say "No".

Rain Started to Fall, Now He Can Able to Hide His Tears Easy,

He Walked Towards The Future, To Win And To Gain,

But He Don't Know, Why and For What?

Another New Year is On The Door Steps,

All Are Busy in Preparing For Christmas, To Enjoy and Celebrate The Birthday of Little Jesus, And Looking Forward For a New Year Full of Happiness and Opportunities. 

He is Tired, He Sat Between The Poorest of the Poor, Those Poor To Whom They Got Only God and No One Else With Them.

In Those Poor, He Saw The Beggars To The Billionaires,

All Smiled at Him and He Too Smiled Back, But No One Talk,

Sometimes Silence Talk Wise; They Know They Don't Need to Talk, 

A Whole Life They All Talk Alot, But No One Hold Their Hands When They Were Alone In The Crowd, 

In The End They Reached the Door Steps of Someone Who Only Talked to Them In Silence Through Out Their Entire Life; But Only Now They Started to Understand Him,

When He Had Enough Resting, He Rise, All Looked At Him in Wonder, 

He Smiled and Said, Still I Have to Wander Little More, Then I Will Return Back,

One Day I Will Also Lose Everything That I Got and Whoever With Me,

And Will Become a Poor Like You Who Only Got God and Nothing And NoOne With,

Till Then I Have to Wander For My Dreams and For Whoever I Assume Mine,

Yes, This World is Full of Passion, Let Me Enjoy It By Just Missing It.  

The Beggar

I Really felt so sad seeing these poor People, I always confused why God Allowed such a life to these People; Are they not his Children? I Really got Angry to God.

So I decide to help a poor beggar I Usually See in the Streets,

I went to that old guy I usually see, he is a drunk, lives in the street, sleeps in the streets.

When I came near him he fetched his hands for alms, I put some coins to his hands and asked are you Happy with your life?

He replied me with a smile Are You Happy With Your Life Son?

He Laughed, and continued, people think that we beggars are so sad, living a very pity life. but actually we are the people who lives in peace, happiness and in comfort.

People like you called yourselves educated high society and your Laws are Our real problem.

As long as No One Disturbs Our lives, We lives Happy and Dies Happy In Freedom, Without regret, Without Pain In The Hands of The Nature and in the Hands of The Creator of this World.

I Asked Him, Do You Believe in God?

He Smiled and Told Me, Son, don't worry too much about us, we are always near to The Creator, our last and first hope is only him, we are not like you who remember him always as the last option. 

For us no one will be there when we get ill, get into any issues. We live or die no one cares but we know he cares us; Only He Cares Us.

Live or Die without his knowledge nothing happens in our life hence we don't worry about what he plans for us. We accept him without regret or pain and with complete obligation and acceptance.

By the way what good are you going to do for us?

You will give us a shelter of four walls, lots of rules and regulations to live there, will give a timetable for each and every sec of our life, you will display us before the world as your good deed, you will teach us and force us to live how you lives and what you assumes as perfect life and you will ask us to bend our knee before whoever you bend your knee.

Son, You are inviting us to live a life full of restrictions, here in this street we lives a life of freedom and bends our knee before only God The Creator.

I heard him silently and when he stopped talking I asked him. but always you need to fetch your hands before this so called people you considers little, they are giving you food for your life, you are enjoying the value of their struggle.

He smiled and asked me, Why you are trying to help me? You are guilty, feel guilty for Enjoying Delicious Food Full of stomach while I starve here or you think you also got a responsibility for my poverty and you want to escape from that guilty feeling by doing something for me or else you are doing good as a charity to escape from the grave sins you did before The Almighty.

Seldom people do good things without any reason and to see such people we don't need to come to your homes or your world because such people lives among us and not among you.

Son in reality there is no difference between you and me.  Actually you are living in a worst Life than me.

You always live in worry and in problems,

Not a single day you can able to sleep sound, Daily you are begging to your boss to keep you in the job, daily you are begging to God for your new needs and the new needs of your own and everyday you are trying to tell yourself that you are happy, you are trying to make Yourself believe that you are happy.

Son, Why don't you come with me, and live with me leaving everything behind you and giving yourself in the hands of God.

Even you don't know you exist tomorrow or not; you worrying about your tomorrows,

Here you will find peace, happiness, comfort, sound sleep and freedom. Here you can't see yourself struggling, here you don't need to tell yourself and make yourself believe that you are happy, Here you are living because you will find yourself living. He Laughed In a Loud Voice

I Realized, that this guy is Mad, he is not going to change, because he don't want to, what all blunder he is talking; He don't know the value of family, being with them, live for them, the mischief of children, dream about their good future, he can't able to understand these all things, he is really insane. A beggar talks big things, funny.

I really felt so angry, cursing him in mind I stood and left him without saying a word.

Once again I turned and looked at him, he is busy with his work or something, perhaps he already forgot that I was there with him to help him. I felt so insulted, I murmurer "these kind of guys doesn't deserve help, they are meant for living in dirt, they live there and die there in this dirt of the world, these people should wipe out from the face of earth, they don't have right to live."

I continued my walk........

Life Without Life

There are Times in Life We Expect Our Life Will Support Us, But Sometimes Waiting Seems Never Ends.

I Always Think That if The Hands are Not Ready to Hug in The Right Time Then What is the Use of Those Hands in The Time When We Really Don't Need That Support of Those Hands.

What is The Use of Tears From Eyes Which Never Cried When Their Own Was Alive.

After All, We All are Living For a Short Span and In This Short Span If The Required is Not With Us Then What is The Use Of Excuses.

Excuses Got Tons of Reasons to Ignore Ourselves  From The Lives of Our Own.

But No Body Wins, When I Ignore Someone From My Own Life, Someone Ignores Me From Their Own Life as a Burden.

Making Reasons to Live is Not a Good Reason to Live; It is Nothing More Than Pretention.

But Life Itself Has to Get a Reason to Live and For That We Need a Life In Us and With Us.

Living For Myself  is Not Easy to Live, Because My Needs Will Be Filled Easy and I Will Get Exhausted Easy. Then I Require More Reasons to Live.

So It is Always Easy to Live For Others, Because For Others, Problems Never Ends, When We Solve One's, The Other Will Come With Another Trouble. It is Beautiful to Fix, Move and Learn Different.

But Still, One Day We Will Start to Realize, I am Just a Mechanic Who Fix Their Minor Issues and Nothing Else and In Their World I am No One.

There Again We Start to Find Our Reason to Live.

And As Always, Reason Afraid to Approach as It Assumes Something Stupid About Us.

Humans Always Forgets That What We are Seeing is Not Actually What We See.

What Eye See is Not What In Reality, In Some Case It is Much Much Smaller and We Assumes it is So Big, In Another Case We See it is So Simple and Mad But In Reality It Would Be The Best and The Brilliant.

Life; Never Afraid or Confuse to Accept Your Responsibility Else When You Decide To Accept; By The Time It Would Be too Late.

Because Reasons Never Exist Forever Because of Certain Genuine Reasons!

Still Life Need to Exist, With Life or Without Life Because Every Artist Has to Go According to Their Part In The Play As Long As The Character Must Exist.

A Good Artist Just Gives His or Her Best To Make The Play The Perfect By Keeping His or Her Personal Life Apart and Away From The Play.

The Drama Needs to Go On Till The Final Bell Rings.

Artists Comes and Go With Life or Without Life. Sometimes I Feels That The Drama is Important and No One Cares About Artists. I Don't Know…