The Unworthy God!

I Asked Him Why are You Sitting Here? He Said, no Just to Relax, How are You?

I Said, Not Bad, I am Fine, and Sit Near Him Looking Into the Horizon,

I Again Asked Him Why You Look So Sad?

He Gave Me a Sad Smile and Told, 

You Know, I am a God, But Sometimes I Feel So Insulted and Unworthy When My Own Rejects Me.

I Said, wow, What Happen Now To Become This Much Down?

He Looked At Me For a While and Said,

When I Call Someone to Serve Me, He Comes to Me Giving Lots of Promises and Lots of Love To Me, When I See that I Feel So Proud and I Dream Good Things Over Him, Good Mission Through Him.

But When He Walk With Me In Years of Formation and Life, One Day I Will Find That He Run Away Abandon Me Even Without Telling Me a Good Bye.

Sometimes He Tells The World That My House is Bad and It is Unworthy To Be My Servant and Sometimes He Even Announce To The World That I Don’t Exist.

The Child The Most I Loved, To Whom I Dreamed and Planed Great Things Turn His Back Towards Me and Claiming That I Am Just a Myth.

I Laughed In Big Voice, He Looked at Me In a Pity Way,

I Said, Hey Bro, This is Not Your First Experience,You Know It Is How Man Behaves, So Why Worry Yaar? Just Forget It Yaar...

Taking a Long Breath He Said, Yea I Know and I Accepts But I Can’t Able to Cover My Pain, I Can’t Able to Hide My Tears.

You Know Today A Beautiful Child I Loved So Much and Carried Her On My Hands Said Good Bye To Me,

When She Said Good Bye, She Didn’t Looked At My Face As If I Am Someone Who Is So Ugly.

I Gave Everything She Wanted and Kept Her Always Near to My Heart As My Beautiful Child, My Little Bride.

But When She Left Me, She Said, You are Okay, But Your House and The People In The House is Not Acceptable For Me, Hence I Am Leaving You.

Today When I Sit Here, I Just Remember All The Promises She Made To Me and All Those Good Words She Told Me.

In These Years, I Always Wanted Her To Help Others As My Hands, Comfort Others As My Voice and Presence. But Now All Those Dreams are Just Dreams and Nothing More.

I Said, Hey, I Know The Pain, But You Can’t Do Much Yaar.

You Know All Those Who Leave You Always Got a Reason, Why You are Not Making The System Better. Perhaps They are Also Right.Don’t You Think So?

He Smiled and Said, Last Day One of My Son Left Me,The Reason He Told Is That He Loves A Girl  Who Comes From a Different Culture, Life Style and Practice and As He Can’t Live Without Her, As He Loves Her So Much,  He Decided to Reject Me and Throw Me Out From His Life For Her.

You Think They Rejects Me Only Because of System?No, They Always Have a Reason To Reject Me; Or They Will Make a Reasons To Reject Me For Their Gain, Because For Them I Am Just a Servant Who Gives Them What All They Ask, For Them I Am Just A Guard Who Protects Them From Hazards 

For Them I Am Just A Foolish God Who Forgives Them What All Bad They Do For The Sake of My Love Towards Them.

Do You Think I Am a Heart Less Person Who Can Be Used When You Need and You Can Throw Me When You Don’t Want Me In Your Life?

I Also Got Flesh, Blood and a Good Heart.

You Always Got Right to Reject Me, Pain Me, Insult Me. But Please Understand I Am a God and When You Do These All To Me I Feels Hurt, My Eyes Floods With Tears, My Heart Breaks.

He Paused and Continued,

Yea, Perhaps I Am Loving Them Too Much That I Forgets What They Do To Me In These Years, Yes I Am a Foolish God Who Loves Them This Much That Even By Giving My Own Life I Purchased Them,

Let Them Reject Me, Hurt Me, Wound Me, Insult Me,But I Won’t Stop Loving Them.

This is How I Am Going To Take Revenge upon Them,

The More They Hurt Me, The More I Love Them.

And I Have Hope That One Day They Will Learn to Love Me As I Love Them.

I Will Make Them Force to Love Me.

I Said Nothing,

Let Us Go Bro, It is Getting Late. I Said and Stood,

He Said, No, You Go, I Want Sometime More Here With My Heavenly Father, I Have to Convince Him That I Am Okay and Didn’t Hurt and Still I Didn’t Fail, Today or Tomorrow I Will Win The Hearts of My People, My Children.

I Left Him There.

I Don’t Know The Future, But I Know His Passion Is So Pure and Strong That One Day, Man Kind Will Know How Much He Loves Them and Will Be Forced To Love Him IN RETURN!

Way of Cross at Wayanad Ghat Road 2014

It is Another Year To Wayanad Ghat Road Covering 14 KM of Way of Cross With Antony and Christy Theckan.

 

This Time I Really Missed The Presence of Mr. Bibin and Mr. Rajesh.

 

Last Two Time We All Together Achieved The Journey.

 

It is Nice to Cover Each Cross and Each of 9 Hair Pin Bends, Around 3 to 4 Hour Walk. A Kind of Spiritual Realization and Satisfaction When Achieving Each Point of Way of Cross.

 

The Pain of Legs, The Tiredness of Body And The Long Path Before Us Is Life, Which Stands Before Us, As Can't Be Achieved.

 

But If Determination Is There At Heart Then We Can Able to Achieve Any Hard Targets.

 

I Have Seen That The Prayer While Journey and The Song We Sing As Prayer Helped Us To Forget the Suffering of Body and Tiredness and Helped Us to Achieve Upto The 14th Cross Easy.

 

Means, Only Determination Won't Make Journey Effective, We Have to Be With God In Our Journey To Achieve It,

 

In Every Second If We Stand With Him, Travel With Him Then He Will Hold Us and Strengthen Us to Earn Our Success In Life.

 

Last Time, When I Get A Message Over My Phone In The Last Laps of Way of Cross, Disturbed My Mind and I Find It So Hard To Move Further Steps Because of My Angry Heart.

 

This Time I Made It Sure That I Don't Attend Phones or Messages, It Helped Me To Keep My Heart In Prayer and Calmness.

 

Yea, If Sin is There With Us Then It is So Hard to Achieve Our Life. Hence If We Find Anything is Not Helping Us To Gain Our Target Then We Should Remove The Sin In Us,

 

We Should Drop The Burden "Sin" In The Hands of Lord So That We Can Able to Move Light Weight and Easy.

 

Last Time I Thought Not To Drink Water and Move Forward But It Really Weaken My Body, As I Have a Body Structure Which Sweats Easy and My Cloths Will Change its Colors to White Because of Salt.

 

This Time I Changed That Too, I Had Enough Water, Which Helped Me Alot In The Journey to Move Easy.

 

In Our Life Also We Need Enough Holy Spirit With Us To Help Us Move Forward. Our Own Strength Won't Help Us To Reach The Targets We Expects In Our Life.

 

Hence Let Us Have Enough or More Than Enough Holy Spirit With Us, So That We Live Till We Accomplish Our Mission In This Holy Life!

 

Thank You Christy For This Journey as It is You Who Inspired Me The First Time To Join This Beautiful Journey of Way of Cross at Wayanad Ghat Road.

Malayatoor Pilgrimage 2014

Again Another Day, This time Perhaps It is My Final Journey to Malayatoor.

I Don’t Know My Mind Tell So.

Becoming So Old To Reach The Top of a Mountain;

Mind is Getting Old As Well As Body.

If My Spirit is So Strong, Then Perhaps If My God Wills Then My Spirit Will Over Ride The Advice of Body and Mind and Again I See Lord At The Hill Top of Malayatoor. As Lord Wish!

This Lent Season Was So Painful; The People I Met and Understood Carried Big Cross Over Their Shoulder,

They Smiled, But In Between Their Smile I Saw Tears Coming From Their Soul.

I Felt Myself So Helpless To Support Other Than Hear Them and Comfort Them.

I Realized My Hands are So Week As Well As My Authorities and Limitations As Human,

I Looked Around But Seen No One to Support Me as All are In Their Struggles to Live a Better Life,

Sometimes I Too Feel To Abandon The Strings Bound Me and Live a Free Life Ignoring The Tears of My Own Around Me.

But Even Though I Can’t Do Much,

Even Though I Am No One,

 Even Though I Am Nothing,

Even Though I Am Perhaps Just a Funny Character,

I Can Be Someone Who Can Be As Someone To See Others and Their Issue Or Their Tears.

Even Though I Am Blind and Deaf, They Don’t Know I Am Deaf And Blind Hence They Talk All Their Issues and Tears and Show Their Wounds.

I Smile Inside Because When They Show Their Wounds I Can’t See It Because I Am Blind,

When They Cry and Share Their Pain I Can’t Hear, But Knock My Head As If I Hear Everything,

I Wish To Tell Them I Am Blind and Deaf But When I Realize They are Only Looking For Someone to Share Their Pain, Their Wounds.

I Forgets To Tell That I am Blind and Deaf.

This Time I Decided To Carry All Those Wounds and Pains to Malayatoor and As Roy and Bibin Know My Issues, I Know They are There to Support Me To Reach The Hill Top.

In The Midnight, With jinto, Christy and Roy We Wander To Get a Bus To Trichur and By The Grace of God It Was Easy.

Then From There to Kalady, We Heard An Unfortunate News From Bibin Who is From Angamally That It is Private Bus Strike and We Won’t Get Bus, But No Need to Loose Hope as Govt. KSRTC Bus Will Be There.

We Too Thought as We are Going to See Lord Hence He Know How to Carry We His Children To Him.

While Reach Kalady, We Saw Many Waiting For a Bus, After Sometime We Thought Not Waste Time and Took a Autoriksha at a Fare Price and Reached the Slops of Malayatoor.

Then Sit Sometime There Out Side of a Church at the Slops Waiting for Bibin.

Perhaps This Time We All are Little Bit Relaxed and Not In That Spiritual Mode. Talked Lots of Subjects and Talked Jokes and Some Sharings.

The Time Bibin Reached and We Started Our Journey after Purchasing Some Candles and Prayer Book From The Old Mothers We Saw There.

Last Two Time We Went at Night; This is The First Time We are Moving In The Morning and Climate is So Hot. It is 8.15 Am We Started Our Journey of Way of Cross.

I Always Thought That I Can’t Able to Read or Sing The Way of Cross as I Have to Take Lot of Breath While Climbing. But Wonder In This Journey I Lead The Singing and Reading Till the End.

Yea It is True, As Human We Assumes A lot of Nonsense. But If We are With Lord He Converts Every Nonsense to Sense For His Glory and Wonder. Praises to Almighty God!

Even Though I Didn’t Able to Pray Much In This Way of Cross, I Can Able to Dedicate All The Needs of Mine and My Entire Family To Lord In Every Step and In Every Suffering and In Every Pain of Mine When I Climb The Mountain.

In This Journey I Realized When You Have Burden On Your Shoulder and When You are Heavy and Struggling to Reach a Target Then You Won’t Get Much Time To Pray, Instead You Concentrate More On Achieving Your Target Than Prayer.

Which is Wrong, If We Concentrate More on Our Target and Our Burden Then The Journey Won’t Be That Easy.

But If We Concentrate More On Prayer and Only Prayer Then Lord Will Help Us To Achieve The Target and The Journey Will Be Much More Easy.

Half of My Journey I Climbed Looking To The Next Cross and To Reach it. Oh It Was Not Easy,

But The Next Half I Climbed Praying and Calling The Name of My Lord and Yes It is Really Better Easy. 

Yea It is Hard, But His Name Helped Me to Trust Him More To Move Every Step Forward More Easy Than Before,

Perhaps It is My Assumption or Reality, One Thing Is Sure That If You Want to Achieve Your Target Then Concentrate More On Prayer Than The Target, Your Journey Will Be More Easy –

I Won’t Say You Get a Smoot Path, But I Say You Can Able to Overcome All Your Issues More Easy In a Better Way.

In Every Journey I Always Decide Not to Drink Water as It Won’t Help Me In The Journey.

But When I Reached Half of the Mountain, My Lips and throats Started to Find Some Water. As it is Day, Body Started to Sweat Like Raining, Cloths Drenched In Water as If I Had a Bath.

Half Way I Saw Water Pipes, Written Drinking Water. Even Though My Sibs Told Me Not to Drink, Even Though My Mind Told No Ron. I Run Towards The Pipe To Get Some Water.

But No Water In Any Of Those Pipes.

I Did’t I Feel Happy or Sad,

But Then In The Journey Towards The Top of Mountain I Saw Many Pipes With Water But From That One Incident I Realize That I Should Have Enough Strength To Ignore What I Should Ignore.

Sometimes Our Temptations Will Force Us To Do What We Should Not Do,

Our Good Siblings and Inner Spirit Will Also Warn Us.

But Sometimes Our Body is Weaker Than Our Inner Spirit and We Will Run Towards What We Should Not Do and We Fails Our Sibs and The Inside Holy Lord Who Lives Inside Us, Who Warned Us!

Then Reached The Top at Around 10 AM, Had Enough Water, Two Three Liters of Water and Relaxed,

When I Relaxed, I Remembered Roy and Bibin Who Knows Me and About Me and Tried to Support Me Giving Their Hands to Move Forward Every Step,

In Life We May Have Lots of Friends or Sibs or Relatives. But Than Having So Many Friends We Should Have Friends or Sibs Who Dares to Give Us Their Hands To Support Us When We Are In Trouble, We Are In Need.

May God Allow All, Good Sibs As Jesus.

Then The First Time I Participated In The Holy Mass At Hill Top and Received Jesus. As Last Two Times We Came at Night We Didn’t Get Opportunity to Attend Holy Mass.

Gave All Burdens of My All Families In His Hands and Started Our Journey Back to Down Hill.

Perhaps It is Too Hot 01.00 PM, Journey To Down Hill Easy, The Only Thing I Have to Take Care is That I Won’t Fell Down.

Last Two Time I Fallen But Always He Catch Me Hence Literaly “I Never Fallen To Say I Fall”.

 Actually This Time I Don’t Want It too, But My Mind Told Me, There is a Possibility to fall Hence I Was Slow and Steady Not to Fall.

But Body Was Week, Legs are Shivering

In Between I Saw One of My Sib Just Slipped and I Capture Him and Warn Him, But In The Next Move I Slip and Fallen Backward As Usual, But As Usual He Catch Me and I Didn’t Fell Completely.

Yea In Life, How Much We Try to Avoid Falling, It is Not Possible, Somewhere We Will Fall, But As Long as Lord is With Us, He Wont Allow Us To Fall Fully, In Between He Will Catch Us and Rise Us.

If We Won’t Fall In Our Life Time Then I Should Not Be Called Human Instead I Should Call as God. Which is Not Possible, No Body Is Perfect Other Than God.

So Let Us Not Be Ashamed of Falling Instead Make Sure That Our Lord is There Behind Us To Catch Us Before We Fall.

Thank you Lord, Love You.

Then Reached Down Hill and Took Some  Photographs and Had Some Water.

Bibin Said Bye and We Too Board Bus to Calicut.

End of Journey in 2014,

A Nice Journey. 

Thank You To God Our Heavenly Abba Father To Bless All Of Us and Our Families With Us!

Praises to God Almighty! Amen! 

The Smiling Tears Filled With Hope & Faith.

Wish to Cry, But No I Won’t, I Can’t.

On That Day itself I Decided Not to Cry;

But Now I Realize Perhaps I Took a Wrong Decision. Now I Can’t I Am Blocked Inside, My Tears Are Blocked Inside. I Wish to Burstout But I Can't. Oh!

It is Beyond My Ability to Accept, The Fire is There All Around Me, Houses are Burning, People Are Dying, They Show No Mercy to Even Children, Just Slaughters and Moving Forward Like Forces of Darkness.

Today is Their Day, Till Sun Rise They Got Time to Do Whatever They Wish, It is Allowed By The Emperor,

My Hands are Tied, But They Kept My Eyes Open To See What They Do and Ears Open To Hear The Pain of Cry When They Pierce Sword In The Flesh of My People, Our People.

Fortunate or Unfortunate My Mouth is Open, My Voice is Not Blocked, I Tried To Comfort My People With My Unworthy Words, That to Be Calm and Everything Will Be Okay By Morning When Our Lord, Our King Rise and Come Over His Horse With His Warriors.

Unfortunate People, Perhaps They Don’t Have Any Other Option; They  Trust Me and Accepts Me and Hoping For a Better Future Tomorrow,

But They Hardly Bear The Pain and I Am Helpless, I Can’t Able to Do Anything Other Than Comfort Them. My Hands are Tied, My Legs Hardly Can Move.

I Am Also Wounded, I Can’t Keep Myself Alive More Time, Still I Am Trying to Keep Myself Alive Till My King Reach Here and Makes Everything Perfect, Till I Give My Responsibility In His Mighty Hands.

I Said, Myself that I Can, I Have To.

I Smiled At Them and Told Them, It is Okay Your Wound is So Small, Just Look at Cross and See How Much He Suffered For Us, It is Much Bigger Than Ours and It is For Us, Hence Never Leave Hope, He Will Come For Us, We Suffered This Much, Now Little Bit More, The Sun is About to Rise, Some More Hours.

They Trusted Me and Said In Their Feeble Voice That They Too Have Hope and Will Stand Till The End.

But I Saw They are Fading, They are Getting Weaker and Weaker.

I Said It is Okay, Sleep Sound, When Morning Comes I Will Wake you up.

I Know I Can’t Able to Wake Them as They are Going to Sleep Forever, But I Wish To See Their Beautiful Smile Remain On Their Face; The Smile Filled With Faith and Hope.

When My Lord Come, Perhaps I Would Have Also Started My Sleeping, But Looking Our Smiling Face, He Knows How Much We Trusted Him and How Much We Expected Him!

I Am Also Feeling So Tired, Still I Am Hearing The Struggle and Pain of My People He Allowed In My Hands, But Now It is Fading, Perhaps My Hearing is Getting Weaker, My Eyes are Shutting, Oh I Need to Sleep, Oh God, When You Come Please Call Me, I Trust You, I Still Have Hope In You, Love You!

കണ്ണാടി (The Mirror)

Malayalam Story
Written By Roy Francis
Dated: 15th Jan 2014

പപ്പു തന്റെ കുടുംബത്തോടൊപ്പം കാട്ടിലായിരുന്നു താമസിചിരുന്നത്,

ഒരു ദിവസം പപ്പുവിനു കാട്ടിൽനിന്നും ഒരു കണ്ണാടി കിട്ടി,

കണ്ണാടിയിൽനോക്കിയ പപ്പു സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ടു തന്‍റെ അചഛനാണു എന്നു കരുതി കണ്ണാടി തന്‍റെ വീട്ടിലേക്കുകൊണ്ടുപൊയി, ദിവസവും കണ്ണാടിയിൽ നോക്കി സംസാരിക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി.

ഇതു കണ്ട പപ്പുവിന്‍റെ ഭാര്യക്കു സംശയം തൊന്നി.

ഒരുദിവസം പപ്പു വീട്ടിൽ ഇല്ലാത്ത സമയത്തു ഭാര്യ കണ്ണാടി എടുത്തു നോക്കി സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ടു പറഞ്ഞു - ഓ അപ്പോ നീയാണല്ലെ എന്നും എന്‍റെ ഭർത്താവിനോടു സംസാരിക്കുന്ന ആ വഞ്ചകി,

ഭാര്യ കണ്ണാടി തന്‍റെ മുത്തശ്ശിയെ കാണിചു.

കണ്ണാടിയിൽ സ്വന്തം രൂപം കണ്ട മുത്തശ്ശി പറഞ്ഞു - ഹോയ് പേടിക്കാനൊന്നും ഇല്ല, കിളവിയാ, ഉടൻ മരിചു പോയി കൊള്ളും.

After A Christmas

Whole One Month Preparations And Celebrations Are Over; Christ is Born.

Now Life Again Return Back to Normal,

I am Leaving Little Jesus Here, Taking My Burdens On My Shoulder,

Before Leaving I Looked and Smiled at Him and Told Him “See You On Good Friday and Then Easter”

He Smiled Back,

Yea, I Know Nothing Can Be Changed, Perhaps He Too Know That.

While I Walked Through The Rough Climate Outside, I Realized That I Am Happy But I Am Sad.

Perhaps I Should Not Be Here, I Shouldn’t See Him,

Then Perhaps I Could Have Less Pain When I Pierce His Heart, When I Thrash Him To Bleeding, When I Throw Him To The Most Painful Death.

My Legs are Trembling, I Was About to Fall, Suddenly I Took My Conscious Back, I Shouted To My Legs To Be Strong,

I Said Them “We Have to Go A Long Path Forward Before You Forget How To Walk”  

And I Raised My Legs High and Forced Them To Move Forward.

Yes, Tomorrow I Will See This Beautiful Little Child as a Handsome Active Youth,

But I Won’t Get Time to Cherish In His Success and His Graceful Happiness,

In No Time I Will See Him Dragged Through The Streets Like One The Most Hated,

And I Will Be There In One of Them To Drag and To Kick Him.

Oh I Closed My Eyes,

I Don’t Know Why This Thoughts Coming In To My Mind,

I Should Have Move Forward, I Said Myself,

I Walked Forward Resisting The Cold Wind,

Slowly I Tried To Forget Him,

But I Know I Can’t Forget Him,

Time is Moving Fast, And I Won’t Get Time to Forget Him,

When I Reach Jerusalem , I Will See You As A Scapegoat Before Me, For Me,

And Even Though I Wish to Help You, I Won’t,

Instead I Will Throw You Into the Hands Who Wants to Shatter You,

At That Time You Will Smile At Me and I Will Remember That Beautiful Smile of You When I First Saw You In The Cradle With Your Mama and Papa, I Will Remember Your Raised Little Hands At Me and The Kiss I Gave To Those Beautiful Hands of Yours; In This Cold Christmas Day.

I am Holding My Tears, For That Day,

I Want to Burst to Cry, But No, Not Now,

I Will Cry, I Will Burst To Cry In Silence,

But Only After Throwing You to Those Merciless Hands For My Greed, To Keep My Priorities.

I Walked Forward,

Murmuring…

The Poorest

This World is Full of Passion,

The Passion of Our Father, Our Mother, Our Brothers, Our Sisters, Our Children, Our So Called Friends, Our Siblings, Our Love and Sometimes Even Strangers.

Still Sometimes We Won't Be Able to Say "Yes" To Any Of Those Choices;

Not Because We Don't Love Them; But Only Because We Love Them So So Much, And That is How Life Goes.

Life is Sometime So Strange,

When We Ask For Something; Life Won't Give It To You, It Say "Wait" 

And When You are Not In a Position To Accept; Then Life Will Give You Plenty. 

And You Will Be Forced To Say "No".

Rain Started to Fall, Now He Can Able to Hide His Tears Easy,

He Walked Towards The Future, To Win And To Gain,

But He Don't Know, Why and For What?

Another New Year is On The Door Steps,

All Are Busy in Preparing For Christmas, To Enjoy and Celebrate The Birthday of Little Jesus, And Looking Forward For a New Year Full of Happiness and Opportunities. 

He is Tired, He Sat Between The Poorest of the Poor, Those Poor To Whom They Got Only God and No One Else With Them.

In Those Poor, He Saw The Beggars To The Billionaires,

All Smiled at Him and He Too Smiled Back, But No One Talk,

Sometimes Silence Talk Wise; They Know They Don't Need to Talk, 

A Whole Life They All Talk Alot, But No One Hold Their Hands When They Were Alone In The Crowd, 

In The End They Reached the Door Steps of Someone Who Only Talked to Them In Silence Through Out Their Entire Life; But Only Now They Started to Understand Him,

When He Had Enough Resting, He Rise, All Looked At Him in Wonder, 

He Smiled and Said, Still I Have to Wander Little More, Then I Will Return Back,

One Day I Will Also Lose Everything That I Got and Whoever With Me,

And Will Become a Poor Like You Who Only Got God and Nothing And NoOne With,

Till Then I Have to Wander For My Dreams and For Whoever I Assume Mine,

Yes, This World is Full of Passion, Let Me Enjoy It By Just Missing It.